We were under attack, and the attackers were my brothers. It wasn't something I was consciously aware of as I gunned them down, more of a nagging sensation in the back of my mind. My priority was survival, I didn't have time to think about fratricide. The attackers were momentarily repulsed, so I moved out into the tunnels to finish them off. I picked them off with well placed shots of my rifle, acting without thinking, running on adrenaline. As I reached the end of the tunnels, they stopped coming. I crept to the top of the stairs to see if there were any left. That's when I saw him.
He was standing in the middle of the church, feet planted square and head held high with an air of dignity and authority. He was waiting for his knights to return and only I knew that they wouldn't. At that moment, the gravity of what I had just done hit me: I was a traitor. I was a traitor, but the die had been cast and I needed to finish my job.
I raised my rifle, carefully placing the crosshairs on the eye lense of his helmet, finger just caressing the trigger as I prepared to take the shot. I felt cold, disconnected from reality, this was so surreal, how could this be happening. My heart raced, I knew I had to take the shot before I lost the nerve. I fired, putting a .50 calibre round directly through the eye of his helmet and out of the back of his head.
Immediately, I paused the game, hyperventilating, eyes filling with tears: I had just killed Paladin Brandis.
Fallout came out in 1997, I was ten years old. Right from the start, I was enamored with the game. It has been my favorite franchise since that time, always holding a special place in my heart, and he thing I loved most about it was The Brotherhood of Steel.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Fallout series, it is a post-apocalyptic simulator set in the aftermath of total nuclear annihilation. It takes place in an anachronistic setting where history diverged from our own sometime after World War II and is a satirical depiction of the "World of Tomorrow" as envisioned by mid 20th century Americans.
The Brotherhood of Steel is a quasi-religious, pseudo-knightly technological organization that traces its origins to the remnants of the United States military. Their core belief is that the nuclear apocalypse was brought about through the uncontrolled use of technology and that ensuring the survival of mankind means destroying technologies they deem dangerous to humanity and controlling everything else. The aren't concerned with governance, or even rebuilding, just prevention of another apocalypse.This doesn't mean they wont protect the people, or even provide aide when and where they can, but they don't let in interfere with their mission. Their mission statement can be summed up as follows: The most important thing is humanity, The Brotherhood protects humanity by controlling technology.
Admittedly, as a child I didn't care about all of that philosophical stuff. I liked them because they stomped around in giant suits of powered armor and carried massive guns. While my love of those things hasn't changed any with age, I have also gained an appreciation for the ethics of their position. They are, in my opinion, the most ethical group in the Fallout setting, with the most noble goals. Their dyed in the wool pragmatism about the necessity of their mission often leaves them seeming like bad guys, but that is the lot of everyone who takes on the burden of the hard decisions. Die a hero or live long enough to be the villain and all that.
When I began playing Fallout 4 there was no doubt in my mind that I would side with Brotherhood. I finished the main story as a Brotherhood member twice before I decided to give one of the other factions a try. For my third time through, I chose to join the Railroad, an underground organization dedicated to the salvations of synthetic humans or "synths". The Brotherhood considers synths to be a technological abomination that could destroy humanity, so naturally, there comes a point in the story where they attack the Railroad headquarters.
I didn't hesitate to kill the attacking Brotherhood soldiers, not for a moment. They were shooting at me and I shot back without question, survival was the name of the game. But when it came time to finish off the attackers by killing their leader, Paladin Brandis, I found myself hesitating. This man was a paragon of the Brotherhood, a hero who I had personally rescued from a life of seclusion in the wilderness and convinced to return to the fold. Now, I found myself faced with having to end his life. Doing so broke my heart.
This experience of having strong emotional reactions to works of fiction is a philosophical problem known as "The Paradox of Fiction". The Paradox draws attention to the way in which people can be emotionally moved or develop very real loyalty to things which they know do not exist. It was originally proposed by philosophers Colin Radford and Michael Weston in 1975 and its basic format is as follows:
1. Most people have emotional responses to characters, objects, events, etc. which they know to be fictitious.
2. However, in order to be so emotionally moved, we have to believe that these things actually exist.
3. But, nobody who takes these things to be fictional at the same time believes that they are real.
The Paradox is that all three statements seem to be true but that they cannot logically all be true at the same time. If any two of them become true, the third must then be false.
We've all experienced the paradox at some point in our lives, unless you live under a rock. We've all felt emotionally moved by or attached to a fictional person or setting. Sometimes the things we become attached to are things that we would find ethically reprehensible in real life (Pokemon), or that are realistically horrifying (Fallout, Warhammer 40,000), or that are depressingly internally inconsistent and overly idealized (Star Wars, Star Trek), but that doesn't stop us from being die hard loyal to and emotionally invested in them. Sometimes, we even take these feelings and attachment to bizarre extremes (I'm looking at you, Bronies.)
I had never experienced the paradox as strongly as I did in that moment, the moment when I slotted Paladin Brandis. I had never literally had a panic attack and devolved into a whimpering, crying man-baby over something in a fictional setting before. I had felt highs before, I had even been moved to tears, but this was something different. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was heartbroken.
"Fandom" is a term used to describe a subculture composed of fans characterized by a sense empathy and camaraderie between people who share a common interest. I had never really considered myself a part of a fandom before, I generally feel socially disconnected from others even when we share interests, but this experience has changed my mind about that. If there is such as a thing as the Fallout Fandom, I am a member. I'm certainly a member of the Brotherhood of Steel Fandom, and I'm proud to say that.
What Paradox of Fiction experiences have you had? Do you consider yourself to be part of a fandom? Share your stories in the comments.
Ad Victoriam!
